Kahan tum chalay gaye ..

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Allah swt knows us best.. He knew I am in need of two sets of parents, so I was blessed with two. . I have already written a lot about mommy, so in this blessed month, I have garnered some courage to speak of those last few days I have the privilege of spending with her, and also some tit bits about fathers as it is the month of Ramdan and month of fathers as well. She was with me in UAE for the last 3 months before she returned unwillingly back home on 30th November, and the same night she got sick enough to be taken to AKUH E.R, I took the 1st available flight and headed straight to the hospital around 4:00 a.m 2nd Dec 2015 (UAE National day), as usual mum was being all witty lying in the E.R bed, all smiles that am back with her, she was cluelessly clued in to my turmoil the past 24hours I had been through since she had left me alone at the merciless hands of people she thought she could entrust my future in the hands of.. anyhow since she was a diabetic, heart patient living on a pacemaker since 2008 almost, she had all sorts of illnesses mentionable and her hearing issue as well, yet she would probably be the most fun and lively person in the Special Care Unit room or any kind of emergency ward, she would mock other patients, and joke with the nurses, always precise about her hygiene and appearance, yep.. I even applied face mask to her after a head wash a few days prior to her demise, she was epic in every sense. A small blister turned into a life threat thanks to the corrupt doctors/butchers at the darn hospital/slaughterhouse, nonetheless I raised my voice as and how I possibly could, I was anyway awake for almost 5 consecutive days, their bloody negliengince sent her to the SCU (to milk more bills and to almost kill her with extremely high heart rate, still my mommy only said Jo ALLAH swt ki marzi, and all she wanted was to leave that space and head back to her room, as the dying people around her were upsetting her, eventually after 11 days almost, I decided to bring her home, if she had to go she must go from her own house, not from a hospital bed, I felt. Anyway, we had two nurses and endless medication for her at home for a few weeks, I didn’t know what sleep meant, in between sheet changes, oxygen support, 24/7 alert and her bandage changes, we did play ludo in between and watch some movies (she would call my name at odd hours, while the nurses slept.. Nazo .. Nazo.. and all she wanted to assure was that, I was there, such an attention seeker.) Mommy had told me that she was going to go a day before, on Thursday, apparently she had recited her kalma, surah fatiha, we did allah hu wird together, and all she was concerned about was me.. how was I going to be.. we had seen my mother’s funeral together at Malir on 5th Rabbi ul Awwal 2011, after which I even burnt myself with boiling water, and never attended the chelum, we saw daddy’s departure on 18th Ramzan 2002, I underwent 2 years of post depression headaches and their treatment later on, I got him admitted at the hospital and without much turmoil he passed away within a few hours of coming home, mommy.. today the 5th of ramzan.. my father is his last days.. I miss you, I don’t like hospitals, I don’t like people telling me that, I am going .. don’t cry, it breaks my heart, I don’t like reacting in front of other people, I don’t like watching people go. Mommy, I need you. . your nurse said she hadn’t seen anyone like me in her 9year career, someone who did not leave the bed for 30 days, did not leave my mother’s side for a blink, I was fired by Damac on the 7th Dec 2015 (my daddy’s birthday), the least of my concern, but was a big deal though yeah?.. she said you have lost everything and you are here.. I said ..my mom is my everything, I am here for my everything.

 I recite Quran for you, I wash your place, clean it myself, I do what I know how to do, prayers for you, Umrah for you, I give what I am capable of giving for you, yet you do not talk to me.. WHY ?? no dreams, no presence.. why ?? don’t I do enough? Don’t you like what I do? Don’t u see I need you…… I do know 1 thing.. I have sent you happy with me.. that is my only achievement in this lifetime !! I do not love another being like I love you.. I have a tiny heart and I am tired of burying my parents.. there are two sides of having two sets, the most luv and the most pain of loss.

 These days aulad is the biggest aazmaish, parents have become a burden and I feel heartbroken.. the VALUE of a parent has become in accordance to their wealth, I am so sad, that we do not have any worth for this blessing in our life. Please soften your hearts and have some fear of ALLAH swt.

Ask me… I have lost both my mothers, my father, my child, my husband… I am on the verge of losing my father again today.. this is LIFE .. and life is shorter than we imagine..

 

 

 

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