Dreams N Detergents


We all have dreams, some that are rooted deep within us, as part of our childhood or as we presume to be our vivid imagination, when we were children and believed in the impossible, believed in the reality of illusions, the wonderland, we believed in heroes and the goodness of humanity.

Well, keeping alive the child within has helped me still realise the power of my dreams, the ones I still dare hold onto, believing in miracles, rainbows and unicorns here I stand on a tight rope above the rapids comprising of gators, that wake only to gulp me down their throats, the bystanders and naysayers, those who command possession in my head & I term them demons of misery & aptly so, their tragic premise in my low key headspace in box number 12, where they shun any chances of me succeeding on the chosen path I tread, for no one knows what thorns wound my feet, what swords stab my back and how far I have been climbing up the Himalayas of my extensively burdened soul by pain of the past (which forebears the loss of many beloved to me), the source of my being now stems from the energy I derive solely from these dreams I soar upon.

Yes, these are dreams of carving a niche for myself in the vast world created for man to serve and praise thy lord, dreams to creating a name for my own worth, my standing (no matter how short or lone), dreams of being a constant in prayers of a traveller, dreams of actualising myself and my individuality.

This fear of what people might think has seldom stopped me in my fiat, I am only now speaking to the ME I know from childhood, whenever one fails to find their true calling or deviates from the source of one’s true self, one must go back to the inner being, in search of that fearless child and embrace the real dream.

My life in a sum of words cannot be described in one blog, but I am now striving to set our once again, agreeing upon one stand that I won’t perish aimlessly, I won’t go astray and I won’t let any amount of security (namingly salary) to woo me. Those roadblocks only pave the yellow brick road toward the castle for me, everything that can possibly go wrong goes so I may succeed.

I will explore all my options of the world within and shall pour out my passion outward and Insha Allah I shall excel at if not anything else but my dreaming attribute.

I dream to build an empire and leave behind a legacy, and so I shall quest the infidel quest for immortality like any other spiritual capitalist.

Sighs ….. Let the world work wonders for the lone wanderer whose spirits shall forever live on. I the myth, I the reality and I the dream.

Leaders are our voice from another


Qualities of a good leader are in accordance to every man’s own perception of life as per his own merit, demographics and experiences.


In my viewpoint, having been a born leader in my own light, the way I sense and feel things, in my capacity to mould per the necessary circumstances and accept the inevitable constant changes in my work and social environment, I always opt to stand out, stay resilient and lead on, seldom have I chosen the trodden path, and majorly opted to carve my footprint toward my own path, be it spiritual or professional.


The qualities one must possess as an able leader are always discerned to be rare and unheard of deeming idealistic as a counterpart of the major herd mentality and anonymity of various followers.


It takes depth of character, courage, vision, foreseeing nature and aptitude of a learned wise abled mind-set, one who can empathise and equalize between varied individuals, someone who can mould, groom, let others shine and put aside own ego for the greater good and tread a pathway for generations to benefit from, leaders are primarily born but a diamond always needs a good carving to become as invaluable as the lessons that need be taught, hence, a leader is an avid learner with an open mind and broad vision with a far sighted return on investment, be it of time or money.


A leader knows when to deal with an iron fist and when to hold back to let the team players devise their own bail out strategy.

 A good leader will always create more leaders and lead by example. He is a voice of the unspoken herd, he can devise plans that last longer then his leadership tenure, his vision sets an example for eons.

 In my opinion the greatest leaders of all time are those whose followers continue being born under his leadership so long as the sun shall shine, our beloved Prophet Muhammad Saww, 1400 years ago set an exemplary way of life, a conduct of mannerism for all mankind, in organizing a unified ummah to follow the unseen, the almighty.

Steve Jobs, Gandhi, Hitler and Obama are also good examples of popular leadership but once again in my view, M. Ali Jinnah our leader who led us into a sacred land of free air 72 years ago and now Mr. Imran Khan who has brought back the light of open doors for our nation and once again put the face of Pakistan back on the global map, leaders shift mindsets beyond measures and their trees shall shade the next of kin for the seed the plant shall outlast their lives. Our mothers are the leaders who led us through our lives toward building our new life, every unheard voice is a sound that a leader speaks.

Mohabbat kya hai .. ..


Mohabbat kya hai… dil ka dard se ma’moor ho jana .. mata e jaan kisi ko saunp kar .. majboor ho jana ………

Jaahil ki baton ka behtareen jawaab khamoshi hota hai, magar jab baat karni hi paray toh ussay apne zarf aur ilm se agahi deni chahiyeh .. shayad samajh ajaye.

 Allah The Exalted Says (what means): {And of His Signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy.}[Quran 30: 21]
The relationship between spouses is based on affection and mercy, not on ardent love, desire and passion. It is a relationship which is based on quiet love (affection) and mutual mercy, not illusions of love which fail to withstand reality or romantic fantasies which fail to create a successful marriage.
Sighs, my dear sister as I choose to refer you as, in my viewpoint..
Love is created by our creator and is not an emotion that can be created at the will of a mere human being, that aside, our religion is solely based upon peace, kindness, love, mercy and we must abide by such emotions that aid us in leading our lives based upon harmony, brotherhood, compassion and unity.
Anyhow, to further enlighten your limited perceptions and shed some light on your narrow horizon, let me think a way to phrase my input, in my opinion, any normal woman would have traits of jealousy, possessiveness and envy when it pertains to her spouse or marital relations, BUT since when is a muslim woman categorized as having those traits and known to ACT upon them without abiding by common sense and some fear of her Almighty Allah swt ?? To blatantly put it, possession is best kept for THINGS not people, Jinns possess humans as per my limited knowledge, not wives possessing their respective mates, when in Islam, man has supreme power over his mate after the Almighty, she must abide by his terms and desires, not even her own father’s for that matter, and man may marry without consenting any of his wives at any given time, it is a man’s world and woman was created to be his mate, to give him love, peace and bear his children, I may be sounding very redundant, and rather regressive BUT this is fact and I cannot let my feminist alter ego advise otherwise.
To put it mildly, what is FITNA?? You have the paperwork, children and your spouse with you?? hmm your own actions have gotten you guilty of literally causing malice toward your sister, who bore your husband’s child, and lost it due to reasons best known to YOU, look within and see if you are able to forgive yourself?
FITNA? your cup remains filled, whereas she has been emptied of her cup, which is clearly forbidden in islam, by our creator, if she were to cause a rift between spouses, it would have been the other way around, and deep inside your heart you are most aware, that, who got whom divorced, as per your words.
So, basically you are a muslim by virtue of birth, attire and name BUT not by beliefs??
If that is not the case, do read tafseer of Surah Rum, Surah Yaseen, Surah Baqarah, Surah Talaq and Surah Nisa, so may you be guided, what Allah swt says about love, marriage, divorce and how only HE can create LOVE in a human heart, only HE can decree the NIKAH between two people and only HE can give or take LIFE, and FITNA arises when we as humans, stricken by ego, grief or malice, conjoin teams with the devils, and decide to take destiny in our own hands. SORRY, but I am a human who believes in the final abode, as a muslim woman, and you know very well how insecurity has gotten the best of your logic, senses and fear of Allah swt.
There is only sisterhood and co-wives in the islam that I practice and follow, I do not know any other way of life, where Nikah is half of our deen, definitely NOT a FITNA, rather, any relation outside of marriage may cause distress in the institution of marriage and society becomes corrupt and misbalanced.
I am my own person, with my own free will except in these matters, WHOM to love, whom to marry, to be a mother or remain childless, these are all divine decree and can only be altered by the weapon of DUA, NOT any other dark source, I don’t need to clarify that loving a man has nothing to do with any piece of paper, and my name is my legal identity, which is very much acceptable by the law of the land, inarguably you cannot challenge that, and the end or beginning of any relationship CANNOT be controlled or manipulated by your actions as you are as much a dependant woman on a man as I am independent, your stakes are way much higher and it is not feasible for you to push the limits of any god-fearing, decent individual, in the form of threat, these tactics wont last forever.
Have some faith in Allah swt and fear of the akhirah, and as per Shariah, my dear sister, do NOT push me to my extremes, as I am as patient as I can be volatile, were you a witness to my divorce?? have I ever bothered with your existence?? except sending you love, what wrong have I caused you?? What has lessened in your life?? what have I taken away from you?? BECAUSE I KNOW I HAVE NO POWER TO DO SO… you really need to open your heart and see logically how I have been in love with my man for reasons not in my power, 11 years of knowing him, 8 years of marrying him and 7 years apart from him, he is the father of my child, and shall remain so forever, he is the man in my last name, my heart and shall remain so, how is that any of your business?? and why does that effect you in any manner?? THAT IS THE POWER of FAITH, that can move mountains, my dear, no magic, no threats can over take that.
“… marry women of your choice, two, or three, or four; but if you fear that you will not be able to deal justly (with them) then only one…” (4:3)
Lastly, Shariah does not even insist or agree for women to keep their husband’s name as surname but it is in our country’s culture that we do so, and in our law it is fairly permissible for a married, widow or divorcee to keep or change her name so as per will, SO my dear DO NOT TELL me ever again, what I CAN and CANNOT do with my life, and WHAT my name is or isn’t, that isn’t a choice you can make for me…. for your own peace and mine, please refrain from crossing paths with me, stalking me wont help you build your life any better, I am poles apart from you, my mind set, perceptions and my niyat are not like yourz, I am showing zarf and responding to your hatred one last time with restrain and affection, hopefully I wont need to bother with a response again 🙂
it is funny because I was trying to figure out who the trouble maker was, and here you exposed yourself….. sad.. !! Oh, why don’t you try telling JEMIMA she is not KHAN anymore haha !!!! I am Mrs. Nazea Amin Faheem and I need no validation from you, I post pictures of my wedding or the man whom I am in love with for eternity, the father of my child, that has nothing to do with you, I will live as I please, you are in no position to dictate me your terms, okay? Good !!
You have not understood love, and that says a lot about your soul, I will pray for you.
There remains a kind of love which natural love which is a person’s inclination towards that which suits his nature, such as the love of a thirsty person for water or of a hungry person for food, or the love of sleep, or of one’s wife and children. There is nothing wrong with this unless it distracts a person from remembering Allah and keeps him from loving Him. Allah swt says (interpretation of the meanings):

“O you who believe! Let not your properties or your children divert you from the remembrance of Allah”
[al-Munaafiqoon 63:9]

Start focusing on your life, deeds and stop bothering about me and my life.. I am not yet an integral part of your existence 🙂 peace out sister  !!!!!!

Rehay Salamat tumhari nisbat.. Meri khush qismati ..main teri ummati .. !


Who is my nabi SAWW, the beloved of my Allah swt..he is Muhammad Saww, Allah (swt) has revealed the title of Muhammad (salla lahu alayhi wa’ale hi Wasallam) which means ‘The Praised One’ for His final Messenger.

Balaghul Ula Bi Kamalihi
Kashafaduja Bi Jamalihi
Hasunat Jameeu Khisalihii
Sallo Alaihi Wa Aalihi [SAW]

Khair ul Wara, Badr U Duja, Khatam ul Anbiya. The seal of all messengers, for one whom Allah azawjal himself sends Durood, so do the angels.
We are his ummati, should we not be grateful for being born as the ummat of Muhammad Saww?? One who shall plea to Allah swt on the day of judgment for us, to be pardoned, to enter Jannah. We are negligent of our purpose in this life, this world of illusions and pretence, we seem to have forgotten who we are, where we come from and where we are headed.

Whom are my ancestors, my family…
The man who took and raised me as his own, my father  (late) Haji. Akhtar Nasir Ashrafi, was a Punjabi Shaikh from Jalandar India C.A & (M.A in Mathematics gold medalist from New Delhi India) ex-Banker,Legal Adviser, Tax Auditor & C.E.O at Pashtany Forwarding Co., his father (late) Nasir Ahmed, was the Food Minister (India) and later on, Food & Agriculture Minister in Pakistan Interior Ministry. My mother who gave me her heart and soul, a child she had not bore from her womb but gave me life, Begum Nasreen Akhtar (Shaheed), belonged to Riyasat Kapurthala India, her father (late) Sardar Mian Abdul Ha was a Minister at Maharaj’s Palace riyasat Kapurthala, India.
My paternal biological Grandfather , Hazrat Syed Aal e Hassan Al Ashrafi Al Jilani Rehmatullah Alaeh, Nawab of Hapur Meruth India, Saint and descendant of Ghaus Paak  Hazrat Abdul Qadir Jillani rehmatullah alaihe, his shrine is at Abdullah Shah Ghazi Karachi, and his URS is celebrated annually on 5th Ramadan ul Mubarak, he was the peer sahib of daddy, hence my father took me in as his daughter for adoption, to raise me out of love and respect, as he was a true ashiq e rasool saww.


I am also an Ummati of Rasolullah Hazrat Muhammad Mustafa salalaho alaihe wasalam, descendant from Hazrat Ghous Pak Syed Abdul Qadir Jillani (Rehmatullah Aliah) Abdul-Qadir ibn Abi Salih Musa ibn Abdullah ibn Yahya ibn Muhammad ibn Abu Muhammad AbuBakr Dawud ibn Musa ibn Abdullah ibn Musa Jawni ibn Abdullah ibn Hassan al-Muthanna ibn Hassan ibn Ali ibn Abi Talib , and this on his father side so you can see why they call him al-Hassani due to his tracing up to Muhammad’s grandson Hassan ibn Ali. On his mother side, she is the daughter of a saintly person Abdullah Sawmai who was a direct descendant of Imam Husain ibn Ali making the Shaykh also al-Husayni due to this!! Hence I am of Hasani and Hussaini shahjra e nasb, of all four saints, Qadri, Jillani, Ashrafi and Chishti.
I am a leader,born as a miracle.. live as a miracle.. I love Allah(swt) and pray to die a martyr, I hope to leave behind a legacy worth celebrating, and take forth good amaal.
I’ve been to Ajmer Shareef, Bith Shah, Sehwan Shareef with my father as well for Hajj e Asghar (Umrah), but I was just one year old at the time, and my 2nd Umrah never happened as a human plan always fails unless Allah swt has invited me how could I visit the Holy Kaaba..in 2010??

Now, I wish to address those special creatures who have ample time and energy to stalk my life’s ongoing as a rigorous service to mankind and create malice between people, I prefer calling these hell dwellers, the devil worshippers, for in my eyes these who create fitna among spouses or any two people are working for Iblees himself, and are not even morally or ethically considerate to be aware of the disputes they cause. The one who chases the world, begets the world and forgoes his Akhirah, Alhamdullilah I keep reminding myself WHO I AM, may YOU also be guided to not go astray on the path of the Dhualeen, and recall who we worship, who is our messenger, who am I, the woman in context here, upon whom you leech, I seek solace from the Hasid, the Shayateen, the Jahilliyah and the MUSHRIQ, who has forgone his deen and set out to live as he pleases, causes destruction and falls prey to the devils easily, may we always seek protection from the demons, within and outside of us, in my short lifespan, I have not yet understood, why society has acceptance of sins with pride and grandeur, meanwhile, Nikah has become a painful path to tread, our Hindu’ana culture making it even more difficult to opt for polygamy and give shelter and support to women who outnumber men anyhow. Why black magic is so easily accessible, and we choose to forget the torment of our grave (the beginning of our Akhirah), we choose to leave our Kalma, our deen and decide to CREATE our own chosen destiny by destroying the lives of another, how convenient (this barter is worth it???), well, my dear I am still standing firmly on my two feet, having buried my mothers, my father and my child, whose blood was also Syed, sadly he went without a heartbeat, I don’t know what becomes of such foetus who bear no soul, but I focus on my own nafs, my demons, my eman, my taqwa, ME… NOT caring about what you own, what you wear and what you breathe. My concern is my grave, my amaal and my akhirah.

I have been a student of Bait us Salam markaz, I have travelled the entire world in search of my true purpose and my real self, and all I could come to realise is that, this world is nothing but a test, an illusion and we reap what we sow, so please repent and come back to the normal lives, we were born to live and if you realise, we are all ONE, but still, if you are not one of our ummat, not one of us who recites the Quran e Kareem, and sends Durood e paak upon our beloved Muhammad Saww, than I do not know who u ARE .. and I am not afraid of U.. and IF u are one of us yet a munafiq and mushriq, I pray for u, as when U send durood e paak, u send a prayer for me as well, as my ancestors and my dead baby, as I am Aal e Muhammad sallala ho alaihe wassalam , aulad e Imam Ali r.a, Imam Hasan r.a and Imam Hussain r.a .. !!! I hope we die in a state of eman, and our death shall tell the world what we lived as. I am hurt, alone and angered by your malice, BUT I am here, come fight face to face and we shall see.

Dedicated to my special someone: Muhammad Amin Faheem Ranawat


Whatsapp Wajib


I have tried explaining myself over a period of years how it discomforts me to interact with random people at seemingly ODD hours, the anxiety it causes me to respond to varied queries in multiple windows, the stress of BEING SEEN, the pressure of not being able to HANDLE so much cell phone usage, too many shared media files, forwarded jokes, alarming videos and god knows what, well.. I may be weird BUT I am not gonna put myself at suffering due to social media pressure, umm this was my view point from the days of MSN, where I couldn’t bring myself to reply simultaneously to multiple windows that would randomly pop up in between my one on one conversations, some one else would always seek my attention and disrupt my flow of conversation. This was my viewpoint prior to this past one week, where I have come to realise how significant this app has suddenly become for business, workplaces cannot do without it anymore, it has now become an integral part of communication whereas I am still a bit reclusive and old school about adding random people on my Watsapp in my 1st interaction, I believe a level of intimacy must be shared prior to accessing my status, pics, location and basically ALL u need to KNOW about my lifestyle through this peaking sneaking application, which makes me highly uncomfortable and I have no FOMO either, I would rather be old school and SMS, Email for work related communication etc.
Again, I am trying to adhere to changing communication tactics and incorporating them in my lifespace, HOW WRONG AM I for being a people blocker by choice, by not allowing myself to be a part of these dynamics, I am appearing either foolish or snobbish, but I feel I really should embark upon this change since it seems so essential, what was wrong with our lives prior to this fiendish vice??
I am not happy about BEING SEEN ………….so help me god.


Syeda Nazea Amin Faheem– Yani Main..

nazea hamdan

My daddy was a millionaire businessman & CEO of an Afghan company, he was a C.A, a mathematician, we had a huge office in our house & I recall him auditing for consecutive days at end, exporters, shipping and all kinds of people visited his grand sanctuary, he ran few diverse businesses like my brother had a terry towel & sports goods factory, he had a marble & textile factory, he was a wonderful giver, so I know what being raised as an arrogant brattish me 1st kind of child is like being, rigorously pampered, well-read, well-travelled, well-educated and yet spoilt to the core as we all were, me being the youngest of all siblings and my name being Nazea= Naz karnay wali (never liked this proud kind of name & tried changing it to Nisa as well But….) Somehow at the age of 17, I decided to put myself through a grinding process in order to shape up my very mercuric personality, and I started out by doing some short courses of my interest and later on as an intern at a multinational firm in the Marketing dept., during the 1st ITCN ASIA event I was with Netsol I.R, Xenon solutions, NCR & Americom Technologies, I had trained PIA & Indus TV call centre agents and my next internship was at the ABN AMRO & Standard chartered banks again in the marketing depts.

I had laid my foundation but we are what we shape up as a child, there was a lot of reconstruction to be done, I had just finished my O’s & A’s in all three boards, Oxford, Cambridge & London and in all 3 majors, Arts, Commerce & Science, I had been sent for education to a co-ed Canadian school, I had passion & drive all along BUT was not sure what I wanted to pursue as am not very ambitious, nor did I have the need for money ever. I never attended college or university (except to appear for my B.A & M.A examinations, meanwhile I did a bundle of short courses, trainings & 2 years of APTECH as all my friends were becoming tech savvy in the Y2K days.) I have a flair for writing, so I always wrote in the Dawn news, Young World section, I tried my hand as an editor in SHE, Women’s Own, Good Food magazines and later as a blogger. From the Marriot hotel, Al Nahyan, Etisalat, Standard Chartered, EMAAR, Damac Web-bookers, Fast business services, my portfolio reeks of the Middle East, for I set foot in that domain since 2008 & relocated in 2012-2016. Still figuring things out having worked with the UAE government & royalties, Saudi, Kuwaiti Royals, Pakistani Ministries, and Govt. Of course not forgetting the current President of USA, I have an illustrious list of my corporate endeavours along with luminous interactions, alhamdullilah, Allah swt has been extremely kind and life has been rewarding.

But like a filmy baby, I have some keeray which have stayed in me since forever and sometimes I nurture them as that is my actual calling & passion, so I do keep my media related work side by side my 9 to 5 alternatives, I have been a live Tv show host on Indus Vision, an R.J on 105 & 107 FM, I have been a trained theatre actor by the likes of Mr. Zia Mohayeuddin, Rahat Kazmi, Talat Husssain sab to name a few at NAPA institute and recently did Acting, Directing & Script writing workshops in New York Film Academy, I have been with the Karafilm Festival since 2004-2007 having worked with Hasan Zaidi, infact I even quit my job with Fakhar e Alam in Client Servicing to volunteer at Kara to meet my favourite actor, Pooja Bhatt, I am eccentric that way. I was with Zoheb Hassan during the last Face of the Year contest as Marketing Manager & adored me for obvious reasons (my name being Nazea, named after his sister & legend the late Nazia Hassan), I have worked in theatre with Shah Shahrabeel on Bombay Dreams, Hazaar Dastaan during SABZ. List of work goes on endlessly as I have modelled for the best, Wafa Khan at the Academy of Aesthetics, Sameera Abid at A Square & Esmod Institute in Dubai, Plitz & Chelsea in New York as a plus size model, I just did some workshops in Chelsea & with Mario (Kim Kardashian’s makeup artist) as well in New York.

I have been with the Ministry of events, Muse & eMatterz in UAE for various Indian film projects & promotions. Working with the superstars Mr. Shahrukh Khan with Red Chillies Productions was an ultimate experience and I learnt a lot, with Mr. Salman Khan during the Being Human brand launch at MOE was a delight as well, I have represented Pakistan on various platforms in my limited time and capacity as & wherever possible being active on global cultural forums and an ardent member & participant of many firms, groups and teams that give me accessibility to avail such opportunities.

I have been a guest speaker at the Youth & Social Affairs Ministry, worked with Young Social Reformers as Director Marketing during their Tipping Point event, actively worked on donor campaigns for the Kiran Vocational Centre, and my own I-Marketeer workshop called Incarnate, which is primarily about personality development, been a speaker for Entrepreneurship at KASBIT University, speaker for Marketing at IQRA University IBA University, trainer at the NCR  Netsol Technologies ITCN ASIA  Avaya ITCN ASIA  PIA Call Centre  UFONE Etisalat International Gulf Group (UAE) BULLDOG TRG (KHI) EMAAR Pakistan.

My few Membership include, ITCN ASIA (E-Commerce Gateway 2000-2002) Canadian Business Council (UAE) Pakistan Business Council (UAE) Youth Advocacy Network Young Social Reformers EPB SMEDA Arts Council KUJ Youth Parliament Sindh Youth to end Sexual Violence (Blogger) Participatory Youth Development Network Pakistan Association for Young Leaders Development & Training Organization. Recently I have been associated with Project Heads at the Silicon Valley, Cisco & Amazon in the USA.

My few certifications of approx.40 are as few, Creative Writing Craft of Plot in which I scored a 100% from Wesleyan University, Leadership & skills from Michigan University, Self-Development According to Iqbal Magh e Deen, Airline Ticketing from Grace, Flight Services from Airline Learning Centre, Sales & Client Relations U.K based training, accent reduction, 4 C’s of Customer services, Sales Banking Policies & Procedures, Train the Trainer.

I did my Business Communication from IBA university to fight my fear of public speaking and giving presentations while standing in front of a huge audience, I am an awardee from the Oxford University for my writing work I won their competition, I had to do my Pre-MBA from Middlesex U.K as my 2 year B.A wasn’t acceptable for further studies, I still have a desire to complete my MBA from a local university, as I feel I am missing that degree, just for my satisfaction.

My film & TV work, Happy New Year, Washington, Chambeli, Ho Mann Jahan, Rangreza, Sehra main Safar, Who Kia Hai?, Thoda sa Asman, Bhatti aur DD, Astrology with Haris Azmi, Chatpatti Mohabbat, never have I once been paid less than a spot boy’s daily wages, never have I once been humiliated for money Alhamdullilah, I have worked as an usher, an extra & FOC out of passion but the way things are done in my own country, is sad, really sad.

Today I have an all-star Linkedin profile, I am a sole owner of my Lifestyle & Marketing consultancy, I work on projects with USA, UAE & PK govt. I feel I am very rooted after such dynamic capacity development, I have earned inner growth, clarity, humility, and I have my principles, experiences and ethics to stand true to myself, yet I am not there yet, I would like to ask a question to those people who belittle you on grounds of their limited perspectives, short term achievements and gigantic egos, WHO ARE YOU???
I have been nice to undeserving people out of sheer fear of Allah swt, I have tried to stay alive in my search for depth in life and broaden my views about sufficiency and success, and what it means to me today, I am on a different journey and my path is differed from those who have a Firauniyat mindset, I would like to share my really short lived life through few of my professional achievements and my soul profile, in order for such entities to at least pay me worth my calibre, pay me on time, pay me or ask me to work without money, BUT do not belittle my ambition, passion and my zeal in order to please your bruised egos, Mera kaam meri poonji bhi hai, mera kirdaar bhi aur mera sarmaya bhi hai, I shall not allow fickle low lives to have me short-sell my treasure because I am made of my experiences, which cannot be stolen.
Saudaayee ka sauda nahi kiya jaata.

Syeda Nazea Amin Faheem … Yaani main ……………………!!!

Kahan tum chalay gaye ..


Allah swt knows us best.. He knew I am in need of two sets of parents, so I was blessed with two. . I have already written a lot about mommy, so in this blessed month, I have garnered some courage to speak of those last few days I have the privilege of spending with her, and also some tit bits about fathers as it is the month of Ramdan and month of fathers as well. She was with me in UAE for the last 3 months before she returned unwillingly back home on 30th November, and the same night she got sick enough to be taken to AKUH E.R, I took the 1st available flight and headed straight to the hospital around 4:00 a.m 2nd Dec 2015 (UAE National day), as usual mum was being all witty lying in the E.R bed, all smiles that am back with her, she was cluelessly clued in to my turmoil the past 24hours I had been through since she had left me alone at the merciless hands of people she thought she could entrust my future in the hands of.. anyhow since she was a diabetic, heart patient living on a pacemaker since 2008 almost, she had all sorts of illnesses mentionable and her hearing issue as well, yet she would probably be the most fun and lively person in the Special Care Unit room or any kind of emergency ward, she would mock other patients, and joke with the nurses, always precise about her hygiene and appearance, yep.. I even applied face mask to her after a head wash a few days prior to her demise, she was epic in every sense. A small blister turned into a life threat thanks to the corrupt doctors/butchers at the darn hospital/slaughterhouse, nonetheless I raised my voice as and how I possibly could, I was anyway awake for almost 5 consecutive days, their bloody negliengince sent her to the SCU (to milk more bills and to almost kill her with extremely high heart rate, still my mommy only said Jo ALLAH swt ki marzi, and all she wanted was to leave that space and head back to her room, as the dying people around her were upsetting her, eventually after 11 days almost, I decided to bring her home, if she had to go she must go from her own house, not from a hospital bed, I felt. Anyway, we had two nurses and endless medication for her at home for a few weeks, I didn’t know what sleep meant, in between sheet changes, oxygen support, 24/7 alert and her bandage changes, we did play ludo in between and watch some movies (she would call my name at odd hours, while the nurses slept.. Nazo .. Nazo.. and all she wanted to assure was that, I was there, such an attention seeker.) Mommy had told me that she was going to go a day before, on Thursday, apparently she had recited her kalma, surah fatiha, we did allah hu wird together, and all she was concerned about was me.. how was I going to be.. we had seen my mother’s funeral together at Malir on 5th Rabbi ul Awwal 2011, after which I even burnt myself with boiling water, and never attended the chelum, we saw daddy’s departure on 18th Ramzan 2002, I underwent 2 years of post depression headaches and their treatment later on, I got him admitted at the hospital and without much turmoil he passed away within a few hours of coming home, mommy.. today the 5th of ramzan.. my father is his last days.. I miss you, I don’t like hospitals, I don’t like people telling me that, I am going .. don’t cry, it breaks my heart, I don’t like reacting in front of other people, I don’t like watching people go. Mommy, I need you. . your nurse said she hadn’t seen anyone like me in her 9year career, someone who did not leave the bed for 30 days, did not leave my mother’s side for a blink, I was fired by Damac on the 7th Dec 2015 (my daddy’s birthday), the least of my concern, but was a big deal though yeah?.. she said you have lost everything and you are here.. I said ..my mom is my everything, I am here for my everything.

 I recite Quran for you, I wash your place, clean it myself, I do what I know how to do, prayers for you, Umrah for you, I give what I am capable of giving for you, yet you do not talk to me.. WHY ?? no dreams, no presence.. why ?? don’t I do enough? Don’t you like what I do? Don’t u see I need you…… I do know 1 thing.. I have sent you happy with me.. that is my only achievement in this lifetime !! I do not love another being like I love you.. I have a tiny heart and I am tired of burying my parents.. there are two sides of having two sets, the most luv and the most pain of loss.

 These days aulad is the biggest aazmaish, parents have become a burden and I feel heartbroken.. the VALUE of a parent has become in accordance to their wealth, I am so sad, that we do not have any worth for this blessing in our life. Please soften your hearts and have some fear of ALLAH swt.

Ask me… I have lost both my mothers, my father, my child, my husband… I am on the verge of losing my father again today.. this is LIFE .. and life is shorter than we imagine..




Mitti kumhaar ki …


The master is always seeking the pupil but shall only appear once the pupil is ready, for some of us just our preparation takes form of our entire journey, and few rare spiecies tread the path of the forbidden worlds..they are seeking what no one can offer them .. unless HE takes them in HIS light ..


Jab bashar ki asl haqeeqat hai hi khaaqi, abad se azal tak, jab milna hi hai khuld mai sirf rabb ki ibadat aur us ki pechan ki khatir, jab aik baatin aur zahir hasti ka khalifa hai us ki behtareen takhleeq, aik nutfay se alaq se .. aik mohtaaji ki halat se laut ke aik mohtaji ki halat se guzar ke .. aik mohtaaji ki halat main lautna hai akhir.. toh phir yeh tamasha kyun akhir..??

Na kuch laye thay tum aur na hi sath le jaogay .. na kuch khoya hai tum ne na hi tum kuch is dunya e faani se pao gaye.. jab tanhai hi asl e hayaat hai toh phir shor o ghul o wehshat kyun barpa hai har su ?? yeh mohabbat.. yeh banawat .. yeh rasumaat .. sab dhong hai .. azmaish hai.. sab logon ka yahan khush rehnna hai manna.. sab tamasha hai aur tamashaiee hain .. sab dost hain .. aur sab hain ahl e veeran o mehfil .. har simtt bichi hai pardah fehm aik ajab si ronak .. behadh masnooiee hai aur hadh darja hairaan kun .. kya hum ko yaad hai haqeeqat e kun faya kun ??
itni mushaqat k baad bhi kamaye na kuch amaal .. jo jana hai saman sath mere .. mujh se qabl o mere baad ..
akhir meri zaat main simat chuki hai zaat e khaliq .. jab tu hi raziq tu hi malik .. toh dunya mai jehad kyun akhir ?? sab k sath rehna.. sath chalna.. parhna .. seekhna.. barhna .. badalna .. aur phir tujh ko haasil kar lena .. us ke baad is dunya se jee uth jaye .. oop jaye toh .. kaise lautay hum in andheri rahon main ??

Yeh dunya kehnay nahi deti .. sehnay nahi deti .. ronay nahi deti .. jhoot kehay .. jhoot sun’nay.. fareb khaye .. dhokay de .. aur phir yeh shikwa.. ke humara kasoor kya hai ??
jo shaks apne andar se nikal ke phir khud mai dakhil ho jaye.. jo dunya ka ban ke bhi.. logon mai reh k bhi .. apne hi wajd mai samaye.. aise insan ko aam log pagal kaha kartay hain .. kuch log malang kehtay hain aur kuch deewana .. lekin jab tak yeh raaz us ki zubaan pen a aye who is dhongi dunya ke tareekay pe chalta jaye .. tab tak us ko maushra kabool karta hai ..
jis baat pen a ho dil raazi .. na rabb raazi ..

Who log jo alag rah khoj’tay hain .. aam se alag sochtay hain .. woh tanhaye’on k baasi ho jatay hain .. jin rooh tar hona chahaye .. woh shor o ghul or dikhawaye se bezaar ho jatay hain .. yeh kya moajra hai .. yeh ajab maumla hai .. jawab jaantay nahi .. aur talash rawaan hai .. kaun hain yeh log .. jo mujh jaise ban jatay hon .. jo apne aap ko kho na chahain .. aur kya janay kya sukoon patay hon .. ?? yeh mitti ka khumhaar hi janay in mitti kahan ki mitti hai … … justuju jaari hai .. jab tak jaan hain .. yeh manzilain hain ishq ki .. yahan har qadam pe manzil bhi aur koi manzil ka nishan bhi nahi ..