The Gifted Woman

Nisa fell down the stairs with each tumble she came closer to her near-death experience, well her entire life span like a thousand light jolts in her head and one specific flashback was that day she had lost her self in her own eyes, it was easy to sum up this little angel’s life in two words, she was a profound person with a heart of gold and a temper like a volcano. It was not too long ago when she had found the man of her dreams, but like all love stories this one was short-lived as they always are, he was already married to another woman, and since it was a childhood marriage, nothing could be done to undo this socio-politically bonded relation which unlike hers was not stemmed out of sheer love and the desire to be with this one man had led her life into the most turbulent of affairs of which Nisa had no even dreamt.
It was in her heart of hearts the ardent desire to tell her lover at least once that she was in absolute awe of his persona and loved him dearly, though she agreed that their alliance could never have been possible, she stepped into his den, as he turned with this glisten on his face, the dark fiery eyes and yet a hazy smile sat on that glowing rounded face, “I believe you are here with an important agenda, how may I be of service to you?”, “I have come here with one pivotal fact to be disclosed to you, though it may not appear appropriate, I am madly in love with you, since the day I sat my eyes on your soul, I have desired to be your bride till death do us part.”, to my sheer surprise, he did not seem displeased at my revelation, nor appeared surprised, as I stood with a heart that pounded like a million elephants running amidst the nightfall, he spoke in the most beautiful deep baritone voice, “Nisa, my dear, I love you as much as you do, since we were children but only today have I understood the meaning of love as I no longer have the ability to live falsely created relationships as real anymore”, to both our alarming dismay, entered his sly wife who had heard every word of our expressions, without a blink of an eye, she started cursing and ranting away as if she were the victim, rather a villain to my eyes, she pushed Nisa down the stairs and here she was breathing her final breath, at the feet of her beloved, who could only stand aimlessly and wish he had expressed his true love with the capability of fulfilling his true dreams, but not all men that look strong may end up being as they appear, this man was a weak person, a coward who could not save his love or his beloved, or his own self from the harm his soul caused so many people.
Nisa’s last words were,”I shall await you in the next life, as your woman”. indeed this young lady was a gifted woman, she bore the gift of unconditional giving and loving, with no returns.
eyyyyyyyyyyyye

Note:

This short paragraph is my final assignment for my “Creative Writing” course, I guess I was not inspired enough but I need the following answers;

What did you think of my main character’s actions?” Or : “Were there any parts that seemed confusing or hard to follow?”

Tu kuja man Kuja

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They say .. thy LORD resides in you heart .. then go ahead and break my heart anyway .. they say HE created my face HIMSELF, yet they discriminate me on the basis of color, they say the Quran covers my head, somehow I have been left unveiled, they say I am so pure once I die, neither man nor my child can hug me again, yet they leave me behind as if there were no relation holding us together.. THEY say.. within the realm of TRUTH .. there is no THEY, there only lies the whisperers. In life there came a time when i seeked within instead of validation from those who matter not, I closed my eyes & shut my ears, to hear my voices of self, there lied sublimity and divine proximity..what I sought what seeking me as well (Rumi).

Having studied many forms of self development, ascribed as the KHUDI school of thought by Iqbal, I read Rumi, Khalil Gibran and many derveshes hoping my master shall seek me as well, they say when the student is ready the master appears.

Like an onion i try unfolding the drapes of dirt over my soul, my relentless search goes on in hope & despair. The moment I live in the NOW and try to let go of the dominant “I” in my SELF .. I believe I shall be greeted by the SELF, I — as absolute, alone, dire in need of being succumbed to its own vices, the EGO, (NAFS) the greatest war since decades has always been between the NAFS & KHUDI, it was never about THEM (the people) nor the whisperer (SATAN), it was forever YOU and I ..

Meri khush qismati main tera ummati ………. tere gun aur yeh labb …. main talab hi talab ….

Whichever state we live, so shall we perish in the same… well my sole hope and reliance shall as always be to come victorious and find ME …

Amal ki mere asaas kya hai … ba’juz nadamat k paas kya hai ????

Rahay salamat tumhari nisbat … mera toh ik aasra yehi hai ..

 

Sitara o Hilal

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The apple does not fall far from the tree, we all have heard of this phrase and most certainly are roots are deeply engrained within us and define our identity no matter which colour of passports we may carry, we are one & the same belonging to our beloved homeland, we care, love and contribute toward the upliftment of our own nation to build, form and strengthen unity across borders, regardless, well this festive season I just about felt a very positive whiff of entertainment entwined with religious celebrations alongside.

This is not a review (paid or otherwise), I just like to express what I feel via my blog post, so here goes… despite a slow recovery from Corneal Ulcer in my left (yeah, just had Lasik done 4 days ago), But I just have this passion to promote and support our rise in any manner possible, hence I decided to spend day 2 of  Eid ul Adha, watching Pakistani films (this is the 1st time in years that ONLY Pakistani films have seen their release in all cinema screens across country) so Yes it is a big deal for us.

Fahad Mustafa starrer Actor in Law is an Urdu1 presentation with cross-border acclaimed actor Om Puri in a pivotal role alongside the lead star and eye candy Mehwish Hayat (spot on as the character she played), the script was very well written and the film was an out & out entertainer, cinemas were jam-packed and there were no shows available in most places, YES.. we have made it !!!!!! (almost there BUT yes.) The message in the movie was strong, loud & in your face with tactfully handled humour and drama galore.
There is always room for betterment and we grow as we go.. so all is appreciated as we were shown the mirror much in the movie, sometimes rather In your face & direct (takes guts to go that way, learn from Maalik, we have guts to glory)

In a hustle I pushed my retina to its dry bit and rushed to catch another mainstream masala movie mad by a very lively young bunch of newbies and produced by ARY FILMS, *Janaan*.. love the cast, the cute & vividly hot looking bearded men, the rustic Pushtoon culture imbibed in glitz and beautifully woven colours of values, language and socially relevant messages (not in your face type).

Let me mention what was WRONG with the movie ( before the *Critics* start jumping in their measly minority, the Pushto subtitles were missing (which would have really helped me understand some of the humour I missed), the editing should be more crisp and definitely new actors must come through some acting workshops prior to their launch & role prep a tad more to match their BEAUTIFUL features with power-packed performances to back a good script.

Now for the good parts, well as I mentioned I am ailing and had no completion to have a Pakistani movie marathon, nor was I sent on free passes that I just had to pounce on this offer, it was merely for the love of movies & my own country’s movies 😀 proudly so!…Let us forgo minor glitches as true patriots, even Katrina is a wooden actor till date despite years in the industry, the way Indians groom, value, appreciate (monetarily & media-wise), their new & old entertainers alike, their own and our own are flourishing just as their cinemas are growing, the economy is boosting, the film, music and app industry are booming alike, we need to keep our eye on the ball and grow simultenously despite our limitations, studio-wise, equipment-wise and post-production facility-wise we have a long way to go, with only one locally recognised acting school, we are still doing the best in our tied capacity and low margins.

The other side of the world still considers us a backward burqa-clad, assumingly terrorist nation, especially in the northern beyond beautiful areas SWAT being a major target of negativity in news channels across the globe, while our major human resource have decided to head abroad and settle there, the others have assumed the Pushtoons as a terrorizing breed, *JANAAN* breaks all these facades in the most mild manner, depicting an luminous family and how there is no need for all the hoopla without actually LIVING the truth, I loved the art direction, the way the valley has been captured and how it may bring a turn of events and Tourism may boost again in the region that puts Switzerland to shame HAH!

It nonetheless reckons & reinstates that people of the valley are pro-education, especially for the girl child (hence Ms. Malala was a one-off case NOT how we are as a nation) this film has parched child abuse issues, education, tourism and cultural misconceptions besides very perkily presenting us with a slight regional language and provincial segment root, that we may not otherwise be so pro toward or head out and actually watch a PUSHTO or Punjabi film for that matter, so this film actually paves path for regional cinema rejuvenation as well, I did not just end up watching a lame love story, I came back happy and hopeful for a newer version of us being depicted in a positive image across the world, which is what the media needs to highlight, and we must ONLY speak positive about our country, so we earn respect for ourselves.  

I have been an expat for a big chunk of my life, we used to catch Pakistani movies there as well as rarely as they would see a release, and me in my tiny capacity would also promote them via some Event companies I was affiliated with. Anyway, we had no obligation to come down & vote but this time… times are changing and WE must decide to change rather than wait for change to be imposed upon us, we need to start behaving and reacting as representatives of Pakistan (in our talk, statuses on Facebook, in our behaviour etc), if we consider ourselves as Brand Ambassadors of Pakistan, we would behave wisely and conduct ourselves in a dignified manner (enough preachy venting out, now let’s talk)…

I Syeda Nazea Amin Faheem am MADE in Pakistan and I am Brand Pakistan.

Sitara o Hilal

215288-barcode-1311388095-509-640x480

The apple does not fall far from the tree, we all have heard of this phrase and most certainly are roots are deeply engrained within us and define our identity no matter which colour of passports we may carry, we are one & the same belonging to our beloved homeland, we care, love and contribute toward the upliftment of our own nation to build, form and strengthen unity across borders, regardless, well this festive season I just about felt a very positive whiff of entertainment entwined with religious celebrations alongside.

This is not a review (paid or otherwise), I just like to express what I feel via my blog post, so here goes… despite a slow recovery from Corneal Ulcer in my left (yeah, just had Lasik done 4 days ago), But I just have this passion to promote and support our rise in any manner possible, hence I decided to spend day 2 of  Eid ul Adha, watching Pakistani films (this is the 1st time in years that ONLY Pakistani films have seen their release in all cinema screens across country) so Yes it is a big deal for us.

Fahad Mustafa starrer Actor in Law is an Urdu1 presentation with cross-border acclaimed actor Om Puri in a pivotal role alongside the lead star and eye candy Mehwish Hayat (spot on as the character she played), the script was very well written and the film was an out & out entertainer, cinemas were jam-packed and there were no shows available in most places, YES.. we have made it !!!!!! (almost there BUT yes.) The message in the movie was strong, loud & in your face with tactfully handled humour and drama galore.
There is always room for betterment and we grow as we go.. so all is appreciated as we were shown the mirror much in the movie, sometimes rather In your face & direct (takes guts to go that way, learn from Maalik, we have guts to glory)

In a hustle I pushed my retina to its dry bit and rushed to catch another mainstream masala movie mad by a very lively young bunch of newbies and produced by ARY FILMS, *Janaan*.. love the cast, the cute & vividly hot looking bearded men, the rustic Pushtoon culture imbibed in glitz and beautifully woven colours of values, language and socially relevant messages (not in your face type).

Let me mention what was WRONG with the movie ( before the *Critics* start jumping in their measly minority, the Pushto subtitles were missing (which would have really helped me understand some of the humour I missed), the editing should be more crisp and definitely new actors must come through some acting workshops prior to their launch & role prep a tad more to match their BEAUTIFUL features with power-packed performances to back a good script.

Now for the good parts, well as I mentioned I am ailing and had no completion to have a Pakistani movie marathon, nor was I sent on free passes that I just had to pounce on this offer, it was merely for the love of movies & my own country’s movies 😀 proudly so!…

The other side of the world still considers us a backward burqa-clad, assumingly terrorist nation, especially in the northern beyond beautiful areas SWAT being a major target of negativity in news channels across the globe, while our major human resource have decided to head abroad and settle there, the others have assumed the Pushtoons as a terrorizing breed, *JANAAN* breaks all these facades in the most mild manner, depicting an luminous family and how there is no need for all the hoopla without actually LIVING the truth, I loved the art direction, the way the valley has been captured and how it may bring a turn of events and Tourism may boost again in the region that puts Switzerland to shame HAH!

It nonetheless reckons & reinstates that people of the valley are pro-education, especially for the girl child (hence Ms. Malala was a one-off case NOT how we are as a nation) this film has parched child abuse issues, education, tourism and cultural misconceptions besides very perkily presenting us with a slight regional language and provincial segment root, that we may not otherwise be so pro toward or head out and actually watch a PUSHTO or Punjabi film for that matter, so this film actually paves path for regional cinema rejuvenation as well, I did not just end up watching a lame love story, I came back happy and hopeful for a newer version of us being depicted in a positive image across the world, which is what the media needs to highlight, and we must ONLY speak positive about our country, so we earn respect for ourselves. Dont judge just by wooden actors or any other short-fall, be progressive in your attitude and pave way for our future (Indians always value, groom and nurture their entertainers, which is the sole reason of their overwhelming growth, in number of cinemas, size of their industry, number of software they produce, the believe in their people and now in our people as well, if dont we would lose all our H.R to them, as is the trend)

I have been an expat for a big chunk of my life, we used to catch Pakistani movies there as well as rarely as they would see a release, and me in my tiny capacity would also promote them via some Event companies I was affiliated with. Anyway, we had no obligation to come down & vote but this time… times are changing and WE must decide to change rather than wait for change to be imposed upon us, we need to start behaving and reacting as representatives of Pakistan (in our talk, statuses on Facebook, in our behaviour etc), if we consider ourselves as Brand Ambassadors of Pakistan, we would behave wisely and conduct ourselves in a dignified manner (enough preachy venting out, now let’s talk)…

I Syeda Nazea Amin Faheem am MADE in Pakistan and I am Brand Pakistan.

Ashiq e Mustafa (saw) ki Azaan

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Shrine of Ghaus e Azam

Darvīsh Mystics are the pure—- Tajdar e Haram

We are the ummati of Muhammad (saw), we praise THE praiseworthy in our Zikr, in our Hamd o Naat, our sanah is a means of acquiring his proximity in any manner possible, love needs words and expression, I believe man tries to keep close ties to people, places, even fragrance of similarity of his beloved, Nabi Kareem (saw) too used to send gifts to Hazrat Khadija (R.A)’s sister much after her demise, and he would stand up for her as her voice reminded him of his beloved, our umm ul momineen.
This is just a man’s nature to hold on to their true love (ishq), and my father was no different in his way of expressing love for our beloved Prophet Muhammad (saw), by trying to keep ties with his sanah’khwaan, the Sufis, mytics and Qawwals.
The subcontinent is full of spiritual beings, some being descendants of the Holy Prophet (saw), such as Al-Sayed Muhiyuddin Abu Muhammad Abdul Qadir al-Gilani al-Hasani wal-Hussaini  (also known as Ghaus e Azam). I realised the love my father had for these Aulia pak, as I was taken into his wings during infancy dependent upon a major reason, I was the granddaughter of his beloved Peer saab Syed Aal e Hassan Ashrafi  Hasni wal Hussaini (descent of Ghaus Pak, from Ashrafi, Chishti, Qadri & Jillani in sync), Daddy loved him immensely and hence he loved me with all his mighty heart for as much as I know what the meaning of giving and loving means. Daddy was in love with ahl e bait, as a true devotee and lover, he used to hold Qawwali mehfils at our residence for as long as I recall, Zaki Taji used to be our regular, whether  for giyarween sharif (the 11th of every month), my sister’s weddings or at the Urs of my grandfather at Abdullah Shah Ghazi’s shrine on the 5th of Ramzan ul Mubarak, daddy had an immense collection of the Sabri Brothers Qawwali cassettes (which used to bore me at that time, because he used to play them during our long road trips, travelling throughout Pakistan), little did I know these Qawaalis would be my regular playlist during my 1 ½ -2 hour driving trips driving through Dubai, at work and years earlier to & fro from work to home, I hadn’t realised when & how these Qawaalis energised me and brought peace & concentration to my senses. Basically deep down it was one of my last way to connect with my departed father, by listening to his favourite tunes I have been trying to keep one part of him inside my heart, so he hears what I do, I try and feel what he used to , But I could never even get close to that feeling, daddy used to get in a kaifiyat we call *haal* ana, I have not been there yet, this s one connection like I eat Nihari sometime, (my father’s favourite food, ummm I am not a meat eater at all, this is the only food I have meat in for the sake of his remembrance).

Anyhow, daddy was a bait from Huzoor Sarkar E Kalan Hazrat Syed Mukhtar Ashraf Ashrafi, so was I ( I cudn’t understand why he would have these huge mounted photographs of these saintly men high up on the wall of his office, he was totally besotted with the love, it often shaped in high respect, ( my daddy was a filthy rich, hardworking and man of a regal personality, I was too young to understand who these men were that, my father was standing up for in absolute respect for),  daddy had taken us to many shrines in his lifetime in India we went to Ajmer Sharif Dargah, it is a sufi shrine (Dargah) of sufi saint, Moinuddin Chishti, Sehwan Sharif to saint Hazrat Lal Shahbaz Qalandar and various others. I have some Persian, Turkish,  and Indian ancestry I believe, my soul has travelled the worlds before acquiring a physical self, I used to share my insights (dreams and senses, which daddy termed as *Ziyarat*, which only he understood, and we shared secretly, as per his advice I have learnt to keep me to myself).  He had a huge collection of chaddars, as tabbaruk and respect from all the places he visited, he brought back tremendous gifts, he would often tell us stories and that interested me in to finding of self.

Amjad Sabri (shaheed), and I interacted just recently, he was a light-hearted and respectful man as per our conversations, that is my lasting impression of him, he had high aspirations of taking the Pakistani media on a bigger global platform, he was in Houston when we spoke, he was working a film with Indian celebrities, Anil Kapoor and had offered me to work with him on the roughly titled “Bankay Don”, he wanted director Rajkumar Santoshi to direct his venture, he came for Coke Studio and Ramzan kareem in his homeland, was to film in August after a press conference to be held in Dubai. My sole agenda was to form a tiny bond with the son of the man my father induced in my childhood as a lover of Nabi kareem (saw), his style of praise of our beloved was my daddy’s connection that lives with me since 14 years ago he passed away on 18th of Ramzan 2002, for the sake of my father I wanted to align with this man, but life has other plans for us, he is with both his and my father, these men are rare and love our beloved with all their heart, they have spent their entire lives praising ahl e bait and serving their rights upon them.
I will always remember my daddy through his favourite qawaalis……majority of which are of the Sabris. This is part of my inheritance that shall stay with me.

Sar e la’makan se talab huii, Tajdar e Haram, Milta hai kya namaz main, Bhar do Jholi, Zihal e Miskeen, Chaap Tilak, Saweray Saweray and an entire ocean of praises.

May we live and die in a state of love (Amin).

 

Pyar’ority

These days everyone ranging from the sabziwala, our home staff or a MNC executive, are all apparently TOO BUSY, extremely busy to find enough time to shave, shower, return calls, meet family and remember their creator (be it through an action of prayer or act of kindness to HIS people.)

Well, this newfound socially being anti-social dilemma is not a newly invented one, it ages back to the stone age (let us assume.), I am BUSY is just another way of saying, YOU ARE NOT ON MY PRIORITY LIST (neither today, nor afterward), while fulfilling one DUTY, we use this phrase in order to neglect far more important responsibilities. To add to this BUSY person’s misery, he may actually be just BUSY & NOT PRODUCTIVE at all, nor is his task at hand keeping him duly happy or content with his less pleasurable life, it is in fact only demeaning his purpose of creation, no substance no progression, JUST BUSY.

It is an over rated term I believe just like I Love YOU, has lost its realism, sadly we seldom realise our true potent, the wealth of being amongst thoughts of gratitude & pleasure, we strive for filling “the lack of”, by struggling.. well, life in this short term world was never a substitute for giving UP this limited time for seeking fake happiness, which only enlarges the deeply rooted rotting vacuum in our selective spaces of melancholic departure, instead our busyness should delight us and fulfil us (like love failed in doing so, so did busyness.)

All act of kindness begins with another and all actions of love must begin with one ‘self.

If life were to be understood by me I would say I have understood the least of it, nor completely all versions of my own personality, nor other people, nor the true meaning of our term served here, nor time, BUT what is connective in these profound thoughts, is the entwinement of SELF. We can only realise, this is an illusion, a realm of egos, debauchery and the only solvent I see here is to submit.

Religion like love only completes essence via submission, absolute complete submission (not by control, nor by GIVING up of desires, no… none of that,) just by Faith, letting go of our ego self, once we submit only then we enter the second phase of existence.

Our oneness, our purpose and our inner divinity … all of the world’s that coincide and co-exist to create this beautiful realm of submission, and creates the best YOU.

One must learn to prioritize their priorities or in my words……. Pyar’oritise… so you never have to be too busy to do the right thing, to find true self, inner happiness and be the best YOU 🙂

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Facade

For someone who loves self-expression, the medium today is media of any form, blog, FM, Movies, drama or just a social media celebrity, but any voice which has some purpose, must find its way and carve a name for itself as a saleable brand, (I give importance to commercial viability because a voice may go unnoticed if prominence is not attached to it, the target may be missed.) I am one such defiant semi rebel, who feels the pain of self-actualisation a bit more than normal people perhaps.

I realised my creative bone back in my early childhood, I have been doing my own haircuts since the age of toddlers (almost), hair colors, makeup, revamping my facial appearance all the time with colored lenses, new look every now & then. I was not trying to camouflage my “bad looks” or covering up for a face I never had, I was just playing with dough & clay to say the least.

Handicrafts, arts, floral arrangements … well, that was the phase of creativity.. Soon after followed the VOICE, that had to be heard, I wrote for various magazines, blogs etc. But it was behind the mike of my FM channel, it was a profound feeling to be heard, I sensed the added responsibility and said what mattered, rather then being noise on air, I hopefully carved a small domain for myself where we spoke of the image of our country, shared experiences as proud countrymen, our topics were socially relevant (that is where my Sociology at Cambridge, assisted me a bit), I brought our unsung heroes out of their chosen or often giving darkness.

Makeup and the ability to transcend into another persona gave me immense delight for self though I have reshaped many broken esteems and shattered confidences by majorly pampering every paid/unpaid client, I have ever encountered (Ikhlaq and care makes a gigantic difference to people).

As an actor, the seeking of self and hiding of self continued (very diagonal in divide), I was not seeking fame & money, I was seeking an expression I lacked, I was trying to wear many masks enroute self-discovery. I wanted to know what gave me substance, where my voice held its own the fittest, how I could be of service in my small capacity to anyone, through which medium could I create a realm where the state of BEING met the state of KNOWING and being Known, but again as what or who??

It is the strangest paradox of duality which we set to pursue in our misled lives. Wearing many masks, we reveal bits of our hidden selves to strangers, that is stark nudity of self BUT with another’s character. How well we cover up our pain with a smile, entertaining people may be a source of connecting with the pain of many & watching it convert into a smile slowly, WOW… to be held responsible for that … HAHA what a fool we are the ones being fooled alone.. Laughter & Sadness are from the divine alone, I try to be a tool only.

Contradictory is my desire, as a sufi-like dervish… I would rather be known ONLY to my lord, my loved ones BUT I wish to known to the strangers alike, how strange is the case of the believer… only thy master knows the reasons. Focus is imperative toward success of any endeavour.

An actor may be a lost soul, a con, an identity thief, a compulsive liar, a clown or just a façade.

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